Stomach flu survival guide

So, your stomach is upset and you're wondering whether it's something you ate or a virus (or a virus that came through something you ate). It's fairly easy to tell whether it's a virus: just wait until whatever you ate finds its way out. If your symptoms stop there, you're good to go, otherwise it's a virus.

The following instructions assume a worst-case scenario, where your stomach and bowel absolutely cannot handle any incoming food. Feel free to modify them if you are feeling better. You most probably won't even need to go to the doctor.

The first thing to do is to give your stomach and bowel some time to process what they are already trying to process. This means that you shouldn't eat at all for 24 hours. You're most probably not hungry at all anyway, so don't force-feed yourself, just listen to your body. You are also likely to get very thirsty, but try to avoid water if you're not going to handle it anyway.

Try to avoid any kind of medication, as it's likely to be worse than food for your stomach. There are some pills against diarrhea, and they work, but the feeling is so unpleasant that you'd rather try to avoid them. If you have high fever, you can try some paracetamol, but you should better ask your pharmacist just in case.

Next step : Yay, you can finally eat! Your best choice is a banana, or some rice. Make sure you use only water to cook your rice, not even oil or anything else. You can also safely add some lemon or oregano, and drink some black tea or some cola mixed with water. You can boil oregano and drink it like tea, it is definitely one of the worst things you've ever tasted, but it will work wonders against diarrhea.

When you feel significantly better, you can start eating solid foods. Avoid watery/creamy stuff, as well as fried or spicy stuff that's likely difficult for your stomach to process.

One day, you'll wake up and feel great, and start eating normally. Be careful: You must still avoid milk and beer for about a week afterwards!

I hope you won't get sick at all at the first place :), but I also hope these instructions will reach anyone who needs them.